For the time being

“But, for the time being, here we all are,
Back in the moderate Aristotelian city
Of darning and the Eight-Fifteen, where Euclid’s geometry
And Newton’s mechanics would account for our experience,
And the kitchen table exists because I scrub it.”

From For the Time Being: A Christmas Oratorio by W.H. Auden

I always start the new year with a lot of good intentions, so many over the years that I qualify for the position of foreman on Hell’s road repair crew. I can’t hold up to strict expectations, I suppose. I overdo it, or I fall into a trap where I paralyze myself by thinking too much about it. Start counting calories, and all I obsess about is food, for example. I know from experience with food diaries in the past that when I eat normally, I don’t exceed 2000 calories. I just have to be conscious of when and why I eat. I have to be mindful.

So this year, I suppose, might be the year of living mindfully. Even that’s a little too über-cosmic for my taste, but that’s the closest I can get. Maybe it would be better to call it the year of living. That is to say, the year when I participate, not sit on the sidelines. The year where I speak my mind rather than think about it. The year when I do, not think about doing. I’ve been leading up to this sort of thing for a while, and that’s my reason for restarting this blog, which is not going to be focused on any one thing but rather be a reflection of the facets of my living.

This sounds very high-minded, still. But I want to be seen as a thoughtful, mindful person who keeps her promises (the secret of which, of course, is not to promise every thing) and who is a “can do” kind of person. I want to feel as if I’m really living, not just watching others live. I want to get things done. The only way the kitchen table will exist if I take care of it.


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